I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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