Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
