so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Enjoy the penises
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
