I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Randomize
