Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
