I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
