I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
