So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize