I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
