dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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