i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
