As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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