I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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