I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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