I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
