Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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