i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
