For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
