You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
