It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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