i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
