all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
