My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
