if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
