My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I understand Curling. That high.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
