i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
