I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
