I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
