apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
