I can't breathe out the right side of my face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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