apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
