So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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