i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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