this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
