Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
