is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
