it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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