I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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