I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
