I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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