i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
