He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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