This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He? As in you personified your dick?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
