she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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