Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
