It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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