I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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