mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
