New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
