Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
