oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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