I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
