Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
