I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize