I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ok first of all what the fuck
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
