fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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