Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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