goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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