Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
