pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
