he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
