I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
