I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
