She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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