We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
