He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
