Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
