if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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